Emerging Leaders: Our Children Are More Than Our Future, They Are Our Greatest Leadership Teachers

"Our children are our future" is a phrase we hear so often that it has become a cliché.

As I have watched my son, Iidah, grow I have come to realize that it is much more than a familiar saying and our children reveal truths about leadership that many adults spend years trying to rediscover. 

Iidah has been one of my greatest leadership teachers. Before he was even born, his identity began with his name as his maternal grandfather chose to name him after his maternal great grandfather, a name carrying history, honor, and responsibility. Like many African families, names are chosen intentionally as they have a lot of meaning; they carry ancestral stories and a responsibility to live up to those who came before us. Long before my son understood the significance of his name, others had already begun defining who they thought he was going to be.

Iidah was born and raised in small rural American towns where Black families made up less than one percent of the population. People often referred to him as African American, and he questioned this. One day we had a conversation about that label, and his father and I explained that while he is an American, his cultural roots tell a much richer story. He comes from Kenya, and Côte d'Ivoire, and carries traditions and histories that deserve to be known. That conversation helped him understand who he is before the world tells him who he should be.

From an early age of 4 to late teens, Iidah discovered his love for soccer and started off playing defense and then naturally gravitated toward the midfield. He loved connecting teammates, seeing the whole field, creating opportunities for others to succeed, and essentially bringing the team together. His coach made him the Captain of the team as he noticed these qualities in him. When I asked him why he chose these positions, he shared that he was more interested in preventing goals being scored, than scoring goals. He had such clarity about his purpose in the team.  

I was introduced to the Gallup CliftonStrengths assessment and completed my own assessment which gave me a new lens through which to understand myself, based on my strengths. Any “Boy Mom” can probably relate to the disconnect we feel on how to communicate with our sons and understand the choices they make. When Iidah was 10 he had the opportunity to complete his assessment as I hoped it would help bridge the communication gap we had. As I learned about his unique strengths, everything shifted, and I experienced what I now call my "Boy Mom Awakening"  and I started to see our differences as strengths to understand and nurture. Almost overnight, the way I related to him changed and I stopped expecting him to respond to the world the way I did and started appreciating the way he was naturally wired to exist in the world. That shift created synergy between us, and it also reinforced a leadership lesson I carry with me today: when we understand people's strengths we start creating environments where they can thrive.

When Iidah was 7, he made his first of several trips to Kenya and one of the most meaningful moments was visiting Maragoli, where our ancestral family comes from. For the first time, he wasn't simply the only Black child in a predominantly white community, he was surrounded by people who looked like him and he also heard stories about his family heritage. He experienced traditions that belonged to him, and began to discover his identity. Watching him connect with his heritage reminded me that identity is something we uncover, embrace, and intentionally develop throughout our lives.

What This Means for Emerging Leaders

Many emerging leaders experience something similar. We spend years becoming experts in our professions, we work hard, produce results, and eventually earn promotions because we are really good at what we do. And a lot of this is based on developing and perfecting a skill and very little time is spent understanding our cultural identity and how this has shaped who we are as leaders. Some of us, like Iidah, naturally gravitate into leadership positions as the skill or task brings them joy, and others develop leadership skills over time through experience and building the skills to become a leader.

What matters is choosing leadership instead of simply “accidently” falling into it without taking the time to explore how our cultural identity is shaping our leadership style. Our cultural identity shapes how we communicate, build relationships, solve problems, navigate conflict, and define success. However many leaders have learned to minimize parts of themselves because those parts were not always welcomed in professional spaces. For example, softening your accent, avoiding sharing your cultural traditions, or hiding aspects of your background because they seem different. When we suppress pieces of our identity, we also suppress perspectives that organizations desperately need, and we are not showing up as our whole self as a leader.

Watching Iidah find his place on the soccer field, at a very young age, reminded me of something every leader needs to remember. Success is about finding the position where your strengths create the greatest impact for others. The goal is to understand your unique strengths and how they contribute to the whole. Embracing your cultural identity, that is, your heritage and ancestral story brings understanding on how others who came before you have shaped who you are and a sense of pride to lead from a place of authenticity. When you know who you are, you stop competing to fit in, and begin contributing in ways only you can.

Our children remind us that identity develops long before leadership titles arrive. Emerging leaders have an opportunity to do the same intentional work, to understand their stories, embrace their cultures, recognize their strengths, and lead with confidence. The strongest leaders embrace their cultural identity, they own it fully, and create space for others to do the same. This is cultural synergy!